Other than exercising my fingers across a keyboard, I do exercise my butt off. You see, I suffer from thoughts that my butt is too big. From experience behind the salon chair, it is a topic that comes up many times, and it’s not JUST my problem.
“Do you think my butt is too big?” This question plagues the American woman. Sometimes I think it’s a syndrome. Never know, it could be. Maybe that’s why the Muslim women where tents. You can’t see any fat hanging from their bodies when covered head to toe.
And why do women of color look good with voluptuous bottoms? And those Latin girls, too? What’s the deal? How come they can get away with eating fried chicken, waffles, and tacos? Not fair for us white girls. Not to mention, they have no problem squeezing themselves into skin tight clothing. Not me. The looser the better for fear I’d become a feast for the homeless if they caught sight of any cottage cheese hanging on my backend.
Maybe cellulite is the answer to world hunger. Maybe its not a bad idea to eat McDonald’s fattening fare. Eat. Be happy. Get lipo, and send your fat to Africa. That would be the American way, right? It beats working out five days a week.
And speaking of working out, I’ve learned the true purpose for certain moves. They are the following:
Butt Kickers: Remind you to be thankful that you don’t have to reach too far behind to reach your big booty like the skinny girls do.
High Knees: Its good practice for when you’re not in that special mood like your husband usually is-keep your knees high and your feet close to your Hoo-hoo area. When he goes to hop on it, knee him a good one. Especially since the sick headache excuse doesn’t really work.
Jump Rope: This could be a hazard to your health. If you have a well endowed chest you could end up with two black eyes. If you are well endowed from behind, you may discover that gravity plus your weight will keep your feet close to the ground causing you to trip and fall over that rope.
Jumping Jacks: Don’t do this in front of a mirror. Your upper arms may recognize you and wave back.
Happy writing all!!
Shelly
Oh Shelly. You make me laugh so hard that my co-worker probably wish I would shut the door to my office. I like the exercise they tell you to do in the office. Chair dips. Warning! Do not do this with a rolling chair my a$$ will remind you that it is not a good idea. LOL
ReplyDeleteShelly, I just bought a jump rope and I thought my breasts were going to strangle me! You are so funny!
ReplyDeleteI hear strange voices in my head when working out. They tell me t write this stuff, you know.
ReplyDeleteShelly
Lol, too funny. I wonder why white girls feel this incessant need to shrink their butts? I mean we're all women. We're suppose to be curvy.
ReplyDeleteIt must start in the womb...having 5 daughters has taught me that it is a spritual quest to have the perfect booty-size.
ReplyDelete