Sir Poops and Hairball: Being Thankful

SPAL: Good morning, nice people!

HB: Yeah. Good morning.

SPAL: We've been comtemplating a few things.

HB: Like being thankful for what God gives us everyday.

SPAL: This morning while we journeyed to make our first pees and poos, we saw this:

HB: And this:

SPAL: That little speck in the sky is a big moon. That's what Mummsy says.

HB: She also says we should count all of our blessings because God allows us to have them.

SPAL: Living in Florida is a blessing.

HB: Mummsy bought us new shirts. That's a blessing, too. They help to keep us warm.

SPAL: I'm thankful for my yummy cookies. These are my favorite.

HB: And I'm thankful for my kibble.

HB: And I'm thankful for my toys.

SPAL: I'm thankful for pillows. Especially Mummy's and Daddy-o's. They're nice and fluffy.

HB: We have lot to thank God for.

SPAL: What are all the nice people thankful for today?

Lots of licks,

Sir Poops and Hair Ball

Sir Poops-A-Lot and Hair Ball: What’s Your Nosh Tuesday, Author Barry Parham

 

SPAL: Guess what?

Hair Ball: What?

SPAL: I’m back for another What’s Your Nosh Tuesday. And this time you didn’t succeed in stuffing me into the Great White Watery Abyss of Torture. You’re so stupid.

HB: So. You’re a pansy.

SPAL: I ‘m here to support the new and Indie authors and their published works or anything they’re working on. I’ll be glad to share it with the whole world.

HB: Yeah. For nosh. That’s why I’m here.

SPAL: ***rolls his eyes*** Today, we’ve got Barry Parham.

HB: Yeah. Mummsy says he’s a funny man.

SPAL: Yes. He is that. Let’s give him a big welcome without jumping on him or hugging his leg. Do you think you can handle that, stupid?

HB: ***sticks out his tongue***  Pansy.

SPAL: Whatever. Just mind your p’s and q’s today. ***he looks down at HB and turns to look at Barry*** Nice to meet you.

 

HB: Yeah. Nice to meet you. What did you bring us…I mean what do you like to nosh on when you write?

BP: Vanilla wafers, often; hazelnut coffee, usually; sugar-free Jolly Ranchers, always.

HB: Coffee with cream and sugar? Vanilla wafers…mmm…***he looks at SPAL*** What’s sugar-free?

SPAL: ***elbows his brother***

HB: What?

SPAL: Can you explain to us if it Is crunchy or soft, kind sir.

BP: The wafers are crunchy, and if I get very muddled in the early morning, so is the coffee.

HB: Mmm. Crunchy coffee and wafers. I want some. Are the wafers salty or sweet?

SPAL: ***cocks his brow at HB***

HB: I didn’t do anything wrong.

BP: Sweet!

SPAL: Kind sir, do tell us if it gets your creative juices flowing? Mummsy eats and listens to music and some times she keeps it quiet to get hers going. Of course I help out by sitting right beside her.

BP: I don’t think the food has a clue what I’m doing. Come to think of it, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.

HB: How could you possibly not know what you’re doing? ***he tilts his head*** I know what I’m doing. Where’s the wafers?

SPAL: Yeah. ***he glances down at HB again*** We know that. ***he turns his attention back to Barry*** Please tell us sir, do you have any books published? If so, what are they? Where can we find them?

BP”Here’s a link to my five humor collections at amazon.com, including my newborn, Full Frontal Stupidity:

http://www.amazon.com/author/barryparham

Here’s a link to last week’s humor column (Also Sprach Bacon Bits)

http://barryparham.wordpress.com/2012/07/15/also-sprach-bacon-bits/

HB: ***Brings out two coffee cups and a sign. *** We except donations. Got any wafers, nice man?

BP: ***drops something in the two cups***

SPAL:  *** he burrows his snout into the cup.***

HB: God bless you, nice man.

Sir Poops and Hair Ball: What’s Your Nosh Tuesday, Author Janet Rockey

 

SPAL: Today is What’s your nosh Tuesday.

HB: Again?

SPAL: Yes. Today is that day where we help promote new and Indie authors’ published work or something they’re working on from their WIPS.

HB: But we’re supposed to get some nosh in return for this, guys. We like cheese. We’d like to try some chocolate. And we lover watermelon.

SPAL:***looks out to the blogosphere*** Please ignore my brother. He’s stupid and rude.

HB: Well, you’re a pansy, pansy-boy.

SPAL: Anyway, we’ve got one of Mummsy’s critters today. Mummsy calls her the Grammar Angel from her writing group.

HB: Yeah. DO you think she has angel food cake?

SPAL: Is that all you ever think about?

HB: ***smiles***

SPAL: Just behave. I see her coming.

HB: Where?

SPAL: The pretty blonde lady.

HB: She is purdy. Can I hug her leg?

SPAL: That’s not what you do though. You’re a humper. Don’t you dare! ***he looks up*** Please nice people welcome Janet Rockey.

HB: ***hugs her leg*** We’re very happy to see you.

SPAL: ***removes HB from her leg*** I apologize, Miss Janet. ***he looks at HB***Do you want timeout?

HB: ***he frowns and puts his tail between his legs***

SPAL: ***he turns and faces Miss Janet*** I’m so sorry. This is supposed to be a professional  interview. Let us proceed. Do tell us what you like to snack on when you're writing? Tell me why you like it.

JR: I don't nosh while I'm writing because I don't want sticky, greasy, and/or orange computer keys from the Cheetos (cheese that goes crunch!).

HB: ***gasps*** No treats. No cookies. No chocolate. No nosh?!

SPAL: Every one is different.

JR: I find  eating  a distraction.

HB: OMG! I can’t believe this. Absolutely, no nosh!

SPAL: ***shh*** Sorry again, Miss Janet. Just ignore him. He’s got food issues if you haven’t figured that out. So please tell me, do you have any published books out there? 

JR: Yes!

SPAL: That is wonderful. What are they?

JR: They are all anthologies.

God's Handprints (Thy Will Be Done)

Chicken Soup for the Soul: What I Learned from the Cat (Romeow & Julicat)

Heavenly Humor for the Cat Lover's Soul (Silhouette on the Shade)

Heavenly Humor for the Mother's Soul (7 stories)

 

Heavenly Humor for the Dieter's Soul (5 stories)

 

Women of the Secret Place (My Pearl - Shirley)

Also, I will have 2 stories in Chicken Soup for the Soul: I Can't Believe My Cat Did That! (Mewsic Critic & Taming My Ogre) - available September 2012.

SPAL: That’s a lot of cat stories you wrote. Where can we find them?

JR: Chicken Soup for the Soul:

http://www.chickensoup.com/

Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/

Barnes & Noble

www.barnesandnoble.com Or save the tax & shipping...the trunk of my car.

You can also order the Heavenly Humor series from Barbour Publishing:

(http://www.barbourbooks.com/Catalog/ProductSearch)

SPAL: You can also visit Janet at the following:

http://rockeywrites.blogspot.com

 https://www.amazon.com/author/janetrockey

http://www.wordweaversonline.com/

SPAL: Thank you for sharing with us today.

JR: ***pets SPAL and HB***

HB: Yeah. But next time bring something to the table. How do expect me to eat books? 

Number Five Rules

I know, I promised a book review and an author interview. Still waiting to hear back from the author. That’s my life, unpredictable.

Oh no, Toto and Flying Monkeys, too!! Okay. Fly monkeys, fly. Go on now. Get on with yourselves. Let’s move on as Rob would say.

The number five is my number. Let me explain or, rather clear up some stuff first.

Five is the number of travel, adventure, motion, instability, and unpredictability. Hence, five daughters. Talk about chaos. Just imagine five little girls giggling and screaming throughout your house. Now imagine five teen-age daughters around a certain time of the month.

They say, the number five represents the goddess, Venus. She’s the goddess of love. Hence, five daughters, again. Plus, I’ve had a well seasoned life. Five committed relationships including my little sweetman.

I was born in 1965.

My favorite sibling is five years younger than me.

At the age of five, I was the biggest brat ever. I lied. I stole from the school bookstore. I beat up the boys. I even unraveled every hemmed dress I owned. Mom fixed that. For five hours, I sat beside her and watched her stitch back every hem back in place. Stood in corners a lot and got the spanking of my life from my stepdad. The age five was a turning point for me in the behavior department. Being good was better than being bad.

My oldest daughter was born in 1985. What a pivotal moment! She was three weeks early.

Any job that I’ve kept for a long time was either on Fifth street or avenue. If not, it was on the fifth floor of a building.

I’ve lived on thirty-fifth street and Mendocino street ( research suggested that named street had something to do with five).

Five is the number of travel. My husband and I travel quite a bit. Israel. New York City. Hawaii. Jamaica. Mexico. Colorado. Texas. Our own state. I used to commute to work for five years---talk about a relentless travel experience.

I wake up at five am every morning no matter what.

The number five has meaning, and not just to me.

There are five vowels. A,e,i,o, and u.

We all have five fingers and toes---well, maybe we all do.

In the Jewish and Arab communities, the hand with its five fingers is used as an amulet of protection. I even own one---keep it in my kitchen.

There is the five books of Torah. Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.

The Muslims pray to their God, Allah, five times a day.

In Christianity, the number five represents the fifth great mystery. Grace or redemption.

The Roman numeral V is the number five.

Five also represents the hoo-hoo, the vaganga, and what I’ve named my Virginia. Hence, the five daughters, again.

Okay, enough of that.

Do any of you have a number you can relate to? Does one pop up continually throughout your life?

Let me know.

Happy blogging, reading, and writing!!

Shelly