Saturdays with Sir Poops-A-Lot: Waking Up Late

SPAL: Mummsy woke up real late this morning. It’s not like her to do that.

HB: Yeah. She’s up by 5:30-6 am. She didn’t get us outside until about 9 this morning. What’s up with that?

SPAL: Well, Tuesday on her other day off she had a hard time getting up and going. She didn’t get up as late like she did today.

HB: She even watched an hour of a movie this morning and now she’s watching The Great Muppet Caper.

SPAL: Miss Piggy and Kermit are trying to act like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. That’s really strange to see.

HB: Looks more like someone’s trying to swoon Miss Piggy away from Kermit to me.

SPAL: You’re sooo stupid.

HB: You’re suuuuch a pansy!

SPAL: Whatever.***he shakes his head***How are we going to help Mummsy today. She doesn’t want to get out of bed. She’s got writing and editing to do for herself and others today.

HB: But I like it when she hangs out in bed. It’s the best thing ever. Just lying around. Sleeping. Sniffing. Sleeping some more. Watching T.V. Sleep some more. Sniff some more. And repeat.

SPAL: But Mummsy’s got a lot to do today and we have to help her. Remember she’s got laundry, cleaning, and grocery shopping to do, too.

HB: What’s more important than lounging around in a nice fluffy bed all day. It’s her day off.

SPAL: But it’s a beautiful day out.  The sky is blue. Birds are flying.

HB: Which reminds me. Where’s breakfast?

SPAL: You missed it. I was starving and couldn’t help myself. I mean you were lounging around upstairs with Mummsy. So I helped myself to your bowl and mine.

HB: I’ll let you get away with it this time but the next time I’ll bite your butt and steal all your treats. And at night, I’ll head butt you off No-No’s bed.

SPAL: Whatever, stupid. We still need to figure out how to make Mummsy feel better.

HB: You sure you want to do that?

SPAL: Why do you say that?

HB: I hear she plans on putting you into the Great White Watery Abyss of Torture today.

SPAL: Really?

HB: Yeah. Really.

SPAL: ***swallows a lump*** and cowers into a corner.

HB: You’re such a pansy. ****he belly laughs***

SPAL: You’re stupid. Taking delight in another’s demise. How could you be so insensitive?

HB: It’s a form of brotherly love. If I were you, I’d beg No-No to hide you out in her room somewhere. There’s lots of great piles and stuff to hide in. ***he walks away, smirking***

SPAL: Where are you going? You have to help me! SAVE ME!

HB: Not in your life, pansy-boy. You’d do yourself a favor if you kept Mummsy in bed. That’s where I’m going. Where it’s cozy and safe and I can dream about your torture.

SPAL: But---

HB: ***continues to walk the other direction***

Sundays With Sir Poops-A-Lot: Hair Ball Says That’s Not Fair

Hair Ball

It’s not fair pansy-boy is getting better stuff than me. It’s not fair! It’s not fair! He’s getting all kinds of special things. Mummsy carries him everywhere in the house. He’s even got a special place on the sofa now and I’m not allowed to head butt him off anymore.     

It’s not fair he gets a special water bottle on his house door.

He even gets his breakfast served to him in bed.

He even wears something called a diaper now. I want to wear one. It’s so not fair.

It’s not fair he’s getting all this special attention. I want to be carried all around the house. I want a special spot on the sofa. I want my food delivered to my bed. What’s the deal?

SPAL: Actually stupid, it’s rather humiliating to wear a diaper. I’ll be glad to share. As for all this special attention, it’s nice up until I do my poops and pees into the diaper-thing. Mummsy now puts me in the Great White Watery Abyss of Torture twice a day now. She says she doesn’t want me to smell like a toilet.

HB: But it’s still not fair!

SPAL: Nope. Life’s not fair. Get used to it kid. I never thought I’d end up like this. I’m totally dependent on mummsy right now.

HB: I want to be sick! I want to be sick! We could be sick together.

SPAL: ***shakes his head*** Being sick isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be, but it is nice being treated like royalty. I’ll be glad when I don’t have to wear diapers anymore. I hope the neurologist will be able to fix my legs.

HB: Me, too. Then I can head butt you off the sofa again.