Sundays With Sir Poops-A-Lot and Hair Ball: Invasion of the Pod People

Sir Poops-A-Lot

Hair Ball

 

HB: Mummsy’s been hanging out a lot on our favorite giant-squishy-chair lately.

SPAL: You mean the sofa? Where you’re always on top and I’m on the bottom.

HB: Is that what it’s called? For real?

SPAL: Yes, stupid. (He rolls his eyes.)

HB: Whatever, pansy!

SPAL: Anyway, I like it when she’s on the sofa with us but not like Monday. All day.

HB: Yup. That’s strange for mummsy Because Tuesday after work she did the same thing. She didn’t even go to her writing room.

SPAL: I know. And, Wednesday she went to see the screaming thing, she calls Baby Ho-Ho.

HB: Yeah. That thing moves funny and smells funny. Kind of like---

SPAL: Nothing you can eat because mummsy loves it. I caught her talking to it and hugging it.

HB: Oh.

SPAL: Thursday mummsy resorted to the sofa all morning before she went to her hair lopping job.

HB: Yeah. Friday she did the same thing. You know, maybe she should take time out to smell the insides of shoes instead of hampers. Your post last week didn’t seem to work. She ended up taking everything out of the hamper and putting it all into the Great White Noisy Abyss.

SPAL: You mean the washer, stupid.

HB: You think you’re soooo smart. Don’t you, pansy-boy?

SPAL: Anyway, I’m worried about mummsy.

HB: Well, what do you think’s wrong with her?

SPAL: I heard daddy-o call it the funk.

HB: The funk? (He scratches his head.)

SPAL: Yup. The funk. Today she got up, cleaned downstairs, and got dressed up real fancy. She even put on heels.

HB: Oooo. She did. Very weird.

SPAL: Said she was going to a bridal tea party where she had to dress like My Fair Lady or Alice in Wonderland.

HB: What’s a bridal tea party?

SPAL: I think that’s where they drink tea, eat treats, and play fetch.

HB: Oh. How come she didn’t take us? I like to play fetch.

SPAL: Did you forget she dropped us off at Dominatrix Lisa’s place of many White Watery Abysses of Torture for almost the entire day? Don’t you remember her asking if we wanted to “Go to Puppy Parlor” in her funny voice. The one she uses  when Baby Ho-Ho is around.

HB: Awww…she tricked us. Is that what the funk does? Makes you, not be you?

SPAL: Maybe it’s something else?

HB: Like what?

SPAL: I saw this program on television with daddy-o one evening about Pod People. They come from outer space and take over the people you love.

HB: Ohhhh. You think maybe that screaming-smelly thing is a Pod People and it took over mummsy.

SPAL: I think you could actually be right.

 

HB: Yeah. It sounds like one, too.

Thank You for the Appreciated Follower Award

It’s Monday. Yay! I’m off from hair loppings today and I can proudly say I survived another back-to-school raid. Yes, a raid. Literally, nice and normal parents come into the shop baring fangs and claws with their little angels who automatically morph into squirming, screaming Mexican Jumping Beans. Schwoo! It’s over until next year.

So now I’ve got time to give a proper Thank You to Fi @ Fi's Magical Writing Garden. She writes about a plethora of subjects from what she’s doing to instructing other writers on ‘how to’s’. You all should go visit her.

Oh and, here’s my shiny new award.

There’s rules of course. Hate those little buggers but here they are:

• Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.
  
• Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
  
• Copy and paste the award on your blog.
  
• Have faith that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers.
  
• And most of all - have bloggity-blog fun.

Okay. So now it’s time to pass this on. This isn’t going to be easy because I’ve got hundred twenty-four followers and I love you all. I also appreciate your comments but there are a few who faithfully comment, and here they are:

Beth @ All Kidding Aside

Eve @ The Desert Rocks

Laura @ A Simple Happy Life

The Golden Eagle @ The Eagle's Ariel Perspective

William @ Speak of the Devil

Thank you all!

Future posts to come:

Contessa and Arthur’s Panty Challenge

Making Our Writing Real

A Book Review: Lisa Olsen’s, The Touch

For now, I’ll leave you with this. A little Chinese proverb or brain fart from last night’s fortune cookie:

Everything should be made as simple as possible…but not simpler.

How can we apply that one to our writing?

Happy blogging, reading, and writing!

Shelly

Sundays with Sir–Poops-A-Lot and Hair Ball: Take Time to Smell the Hamper

Hair Ball

HB: Mummsy had a terribly stressful two weeks. What should we do for her? Because I don’t think the Zen music you find for her on YouTube works.

SPAL: I truly believe I need to teach her how to take time out of her day to smell the hampers.

HB: How are you going to do that, pansy-boy?

SPAL: Hmmm…(he scratches his head). I’m thinking.

HB: How about an instructional post on how to do it. (He claps his paws).

SPAL: Oh, my God! I think you actually had a logical thought. There might be hope for you yet.

They stare at each other while silence looms between them.

Five minutes later, SPAL raises his paw, plops it back onto the floor, and walks toward the computer.HB follows behind. Both hop into separate chairs at the kitchen table where the computer sits.

SPAL: Okay. Here’s my advice for mummsy and other non-fur-people. When you come home remove all your clothing and drop into the hamper with your other clothes.

HB: Then sniff. Right?

SPAL: I think so.

HB: Should they sniff from the outside of the hamper or from the inside?

 

SPAL: I suggest going inside.

HB: How far inside?

SPAL: I suggest as far as possible. But first you must topple it sideways to get the effect of the relaxing aromas held within.

SPAL: After, slowly move your body into it and take a deep inhale.

SPAL: And if that doesn’t work, go deeper into the hamper. Inhale again and slowly exhale. Stay there inhaling, hang onto it before you exhale. The point is to relax with each exhalation.

HB: How long should someone stay in there?

SPAL: Until they’ve reached a total state of peace and ecstasy.

HB: Oh, but what if they become addicted?

SPAL: This is not addictive. Trust me.

HB: That’s what they say about drugs.

SPAL: What damage can be caused by inhaling all the aromas of already worn clothing?

HB scratches his head.

SPAL: Everyone needs to take time to smell the hampers. Trust me. It works. It’s Yoga for your sniffer.

The KaKa of Life and Other Things

The kaka of life keeps pooling around my feet. It’s getting smelly in here. The LOOSER and daughter saga continues. Hopefully, I’ll be able to post this later this evening. If not, this will get posted sometime this week.

Right now, I need to give a big thank you to Laila Knight @ Untroubled Kingdom of Laila Knight. She gave me another Liebster Award. I guess that means I have two now. Anyway, thank you. All of you should go visit her. Really. I think she’s my soul sister or something. She’ll talk about anything-I mean write. The sister of TMI as Eve @ The Desert Rocks would say.

 

Next, I wanted to share a really cool blog post from Jolene Perry. It was one she posted last week and it touched my heart, making me think about how I should consider my WIPS when editing. Check it out @ Been Writing.

BOOK REVIEWS

        The Dream Spell, by Emma Daniels

What I didn’t like. The sense of direction. When I first popped it open on my Kindle, it went to a Prologue. It revealed some unnamed chick who found a book. A book of spells. The next several chapters, two strangers are doing the wild nasty in their dreams but with each other. I hope I haven’t lost anyone because I was in a total state of confusion and also freaking out over the chitty-chitty-bang-bang part. OMG. ****flushing***

What I did like. Despite the confusion, I loved the premise. Two strangers meet in each others’ dreams (Sophie and Victor), have amazing sex, and then meet each other at work. OMG. They end up dating and fall in love. One catch though, she gets pregnant or is already so when they meet. Who is the mystery biological donor? I asked this while reading it because in her back story she was married and couldn’t conceive. Not to mention, she hadn’t been dating anyone. So what does Victor do? The lump breaks it off with her. But will their relationship end there? Buy the book. It’s 3.99 to download it on your Kindle or whatever e-reader you own

Twist. Unknown to them a spell had been cast but it wasn’t meant for the two of them. Like I said, buy the book to find out.

Shelly gives it fifteen shiny stars for the premise and the sense of humor. I hope the next start of her book I read doesn’t make feel like I got spun around in a blender with my eyes covered only to be dumped out onto the floor in a strange place. I’ve got no sense of direction when that happens. Beats me where the hell north, south, east, and west are, or for that matter where it went.

 What I’m reading now….oooooo soooo gooood a booook…..

     The Touch, by Lisa Olsen (Indie Author)

OMG. If my life could only be smooth as butter crème frosting right now, it would’ve been totally read by now. I’m at 80 % finished with it per my Kindle.

Quirky main character, Lexie, a touch psychic finds herself in the middle of a mystery surrounding the death of her brother-in-law and missing niece. Are ghosts involved? Are they responsible? Or is it someone close and unexpected to her?

I can hardly wait to find out and do the review.

That’s all for now folks!

Have a great week blogging, reading, and writing!

Shelly

PS I’m posting this sooner than I thought.

Sundays With Sir Poops-A-Lot and Hair Ball: The Underwear Challenge

Sir Poops-A-Lot

 

                                           Hair Ball

 

SPAL: Mummsy was given an underwear challenge from Beth Muscat, over at All Kidding Aside.

HB: And, we’ve decided to help her out. Besides, I love panties. Especially, the crotches. They’re mighty tasty. Don’t you think so?

SPAL: No. I almost died from eating a pair of mummsy’s pantyhose one day when I was a puppy, stupid.

HB: But you have to admit they smell good.

SPAL: Anything mummsy wears smells delicious. Especially after its sat in the hamper for a couple days.

HB: Yup. It marinates all the scents and flavors of her panties. Yum.

SPAL: You’re so stupid, stupid. Anyway, we’ve got questions to answer.

HB: You mean a game? A quiz? (He jumps up and down).

SPAL: Yup. Something like that.

1. What do you call your underwear/undergarments? Do you have any commonly used nicknames for them?

SPAL: Most times, mummsy calls them panties. She has work panties.

HB: Her hump panties.

SPAL: Dress up panties.

HB: Her period panties.

SPAL: You didn’t have to tell that one.

HB grins.

2. Have you ever had that supposedly common dream of being in a crowded place in only your underwear?

HB: I’ve dreamt of hanging out all day in mummsy’s hamper.

SPAL: Me, too.

HB: Mummsy usually dreams of snakes, zombies, and serial killers. Nothing pleasant like a hamper or bed full of panties.

3. What is the worst thing you can think of to make underwear out of?

SPAL: Fur people.

HB: Like bunnies?

SPAL: Or us.

4. If you were a pair of panties what color would you be?

SPAL: I can see mummsy being psychedelic purple. You know, she likes everything psychic.

HB: Yup. With a big purple flower in the middle of her bum that smells like heaven.

5. Have you ever thrown your underwear at a rock star or celebrity? If so, which ones? If not, which ones?

SPAL: She throws her panties at us.

HB: She throws her hump panties at daddy-o. Is he a rock star?

SPAL: No, stupid. A celebrity.

HB: Oh.

6. You’re out of underwear what do you do?

SPAL: Mummsy gets them out of the hamper and washes the crotch.

HB: And, blows them dry.

SPAL: Don’t forget she sprays them down with her Vanilla Brown Sugar spray.

HB: Smells like cookies. I love cookies.

7. Are you old enough to remember Underoos? If so, did you have any? Which ones?

HB: What are Underoos?

SPAL: Treats, stupid.

HB: Stop calling me stupid, you poop-eating-pansy.

8. If you could have any message printed on your underwear, what would it be?

HB: I always hear mummsy tell daddy-o “No va-gunga for you.” That could be her message.

SPAL: You and daddy-o think a like. When’s my next hump? That’s all you two think about besides what’s for dinner.

9. How many bloggers does it take to put panties on a goat?

SPAL: This sounds like one of those trick questions I found in an old math book.

HB: You read math books, too?

SPAL: Yup.

HB: What’s the answer?

SPAL: Beats me. (He shrugs) But I’d like to pass the challenge onto:

Laura @ A Simple Happy Life

Russo and her gang @ Challenging the Gnome

Bob @ Bob's Home Page of Writing

M.J. @ My Pet Blog

Have great day every body while we hang out in mummsy’s hamper.

Sir Poops-A-Lot and Hair Ball

Loosers

“Hey, mom,” Sum said. “Dad and I had another argument tonight. He’s kicked me out again. I have to be out today.” OMG. She’s sixteen. “He and his crack-head girlfriend are messed up again.”

Three years ago she came back to live with me only to be manipulated back to her dad’s house. “I’m all alone. I have no one,” he said.

I drove four counties down to find her standing in front of her dad’s house soaking wet from rain with two garbage bags filled with her things. Guilt rips at me for sending her there in the first place but I was terribly ill for a couple years by myself with five girls. I figured just because his Willie was overly friendly with the female population during our marriage, didn’t mean he’d be a bad dad to her and her sister. Well, I figured wrong. Life is full of the unexpected.

He got hooked on a crack-meth-head and now he’s hopelessly in love with her drugs of choice. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think he’d stoop this low to be with someone who sold herself to every Tom, Dick, and Harry for a fix.

“Mom,” Sum said. “Know what he told me. He’d rather be high and stay with her than with me.”

Tuesday I got a good look at him. He’s skinny as a bean and his front teeth have fallen out of his head. Wished I had some before and after pictures to share. He WAS a handsome man.

OMG. Pop me in the forehead. X number one was a crack-head. X number two is now one. Would you all believe it if I told you my mother fixed me up with these two LOOSERS? Well, she did and she’s a whole other story to tell.

If Sweetman picks up the crack pipe or any needles I’ll swear off all men and become a nun or something. But then again, he’s who I picked. Mom didn’t like him.

“He’s set in his ways,” Mom said.

“Good. So am I.” Didn’t need another LOOSER in my life. What was my mother thinking?

 

I want to thank you all for your positive thoughts. For now, everything is copasetic and my daughter’s not going back. She’s safe no thanks to DCF or the law. The LOOSER can kiss my dirty-white-bum.

Will he and his crack-head girlfriend be in any of my upcoming novels? Shelly’s mind is scrambling stuff around. It could be my first best seller on the NYC list. What do you think?

A Message from Sir Poops-A-Lot

There’s lot’s of things going on this morning. Mummsy’s not herself at all. She appears rather nervous. When I laid against her this morning, her heart beat erratically. She’s been on and off the phone a lot this weekend. After she hangs up, she sighs. In fact, she’s been sighing a lot and crying, too.

One of my sisters is in trouble. She’s been thrown out of her house into the street. She can have my house, but mummsy says she won’t fit.

Mummsy planned to thank Laila Knight for the Liebster Award and to post a mini book review on The Dream Spell today. Hopefully, in a couple days she’ll be back to normal. I don’t like it when mummsy’s sad or upset.

Maybe this will help her find her Zen again.

Any other suggestions?

Very truly yours,

Sir Poops-A-Lot

Sundays With Sir Poops-A-Lot and Hair Ball: Sharing Our Favorite Fur People Videos

Sir Poops-A-Lot

 

                                                           Hair Ball

SPAL: Today I thought we’d share some of our favorite fur people video’s.

HB: What about me?

SPAL: What about you?

HB: Aren’t I one of your favorite fur peoples?

SPAL: No. I have to live with your annoying self.

HB: (Frowns) You’re a mean-sissy-pansy-poop-eater!

SPAL: So. You’re a stupid hair ball. And you’re not my brother. (He looks down his snout at him). And also, I’ve got videos to post. Let’s stop the nonsense and get posting.

HB: I want to go!

SPAL: Look! She made it in the toity all by herself. I wish I knew how she did that. That would solve my privacy issue.

HB: We love mummsy and daddy-o. But how come we can’t say it like Mishka?

SPAL: I know why you can’t. You’re a stupid hair ball. Me, on the other hand, can communicate telepathically.

HB: NOOOOO! I’m not. Me, too. I’m not stupid. I’m like Mishka. NOOOOO!

HB

HB: How’d they do that?

SPAL: They’re not stupid like you.

HB: Mean-sissy-pansy-poop-eater!

Contessa and Arthur Have Escaped to Another Blogger's Blog Today

They've ran off to Beth Muscat's, All Kidding Aside:
http://allkiddingaside-beth.blogspot.com/2011/08/my-guest-bloggers-todaycontessa-and.html

Go check them out!

Have a great day!

Shelly

Fortune Cookie Forecasts and A Book Review: Beth Muscat’s, Triology, Remember the Eyes and Emma Daniels, The Dream Spell

Good morning to all. It’s happy dances to me today. I’m off. I’m off. Yay! I can write today. Read blogs. Clean house. Bathe Sir Poops-A-Lot and Hair Ball.Grocery shop, too-boring.

Yesterday on the way home from work I picked up egg drop soup and four egg rolls. I wasn’t much into eating last night. My stomach’s been in knots for the last several days. Although, I got a little piggy over the fortune cookies. Ate two, which meant I got two fortunes.

Fortune one stated the following:

A sense of humor is one of your greatest assets.

Do the angels know me or what, my friends?

Fortune two stated:

Your planning will bring rich rewards.

My comment to that one: Well, it better after all my hard work and planning. Right?

Now for the book review you’ve all been waiting for:Beth Muscat’s, Triology, Remember the Eyes.

 

Genre: Paranormal Romance

E-BOOK ONE:

Beth Muscat introduces you to her two main characters Riley and Michael in, Remember the Eyes. Both are planning to go to college. Riley lives in Canada. Michael lives in England. Both have special talents.

Riley is insecure about her looks but utilizes telekinetic powers, can hypnotize people, has psychic dream visions, and dreams of her past lives.

Michael assumes the worst about things and is short tempered, but is a talented musician and song writer.

Both end up at the same college. It is there Michael literally runs into Riley, knocking her on her bum. Riley recalls his eyes from many past life dreams. It’s love at first sight for both of them. But will their love survive when insecure Riley tells all-assuming-short-tempered Michael about her abilities?

In haste, he rebounds to Brenda, a psycho-be-otch, with similar telekinetic abilities. Will she come between the two? Will she kill Riley?

I suggest, get the book and read it for yourselves. You won’t be disappointed.

Price:  $1.19

E-Book Two:

Things are calm and smooth in the first couple of chapters. Riley and Michael have given each other special gifts for Christmas. Riley purchased plane tickets to England for both of them to spend the Holidays with his parents.

Michael surprised her with a beautiful sapphire ring and a promise to always be around to protect her.

Little do they know while they’re enjoying their holiday, psycho be-otch, Brenda and some mad professor are plotting the kidnapping and experimentation of Riley.

Will Michael be able to fulfill his promise? Will Riley be kidnapped? Tortured? If so, will she survive? Will Michael make it on time to save her?

There’s also a few unknown surprises in this one, too. Nope. Not going to tell you all either.

I suggest, get the book and read it for yourselves. You won’t be disappointed. You’ll be sitting on the edge of your seat.

Price: $3.09

BOOK THREE:

Riley and Michael celebrate thirty years of marriage together in this book. Their only daughter, Clara, gets married and becomes pregnant right away with a special baby. Riley’s quazi-parents are in a terrible accident. One survives. One doesn’t. Riley also finds out she’s got cancer.

This book was full of special twists, but I’m not going to tell you what they are. I’ll leave you with a few questions instead. What’s so special about Riley’s grandbaby? And, will Riley survive the cancer?

Also, you’ll need a box of tissues near-by for this read. 

Price: $3.09

You can find all three on Amazon and Smashwords.

Beth also has a snarky sense of humor and keeps a blog @ http://allkiddingaside-beth.blogspot.com/

Also, Shelly gives Beth Muscat twenty shiny stars for a beautiful love story. Why give five when I can make the rules and give more? This is my blog, after all. Right?

That’s all for now folks!

I’ve got other things to do, you know. Like write.

 Happy blogging, writing, and reading!

Shelly

PS-Mercury goes retrograde tomorrow. He’ll be like this until August 26, 2011. So whatever publishing contracts or deals you’re trying to do, don’t. Wait until five days after the last day of this transit. Why?Because it will fall apart. Instead, edit and rewrite your MS.