Contessa and Arthur: The Underwear Challenge

Can you believe Scarlett and James, a couple of corn dogs, from Basking in the Afterglow, and Riley and Michael, a nice couple, from My Characters Lives, gave us a panty challenge, Arthur? OMG. Really? How personal do these people think I want to get? ***She crosses her arms across her chest and rolls her eyes.***

But Tessie, it’ll be fun. Really it will. Maybe I can have my way with you and finally make you completely mine. ***He walks closer to her and grins. The tips of his fangs touching his bottom lip.***

Seriously, Arthur! You think your vampire magic is going to work on me here in front of an audience. ***She hugs her arms around herself.*** You know what I need right now? Chocolate. Where’s the chocolate?

Awww, Tessie, my love. ***He presses his forehead against hers and snakes his arms around her waist.*** Why do you let chocolate come between us?

***She swallows an imaginary lump.*** Don’t we have questions to answer? ***Her heart pounds against her chest.***

***He nuzzles his nose below her ear lobe and breathes her in.*** You smell delicious. Like chocolate.

Seriously, Arthur! ***She manages to push him away at arm’s length.*** Let’s answer the silly questions.

1. What do you call your underwear/undergarments? Do you have any commonly used nicknames for them?

My Vickies, of course.

What underwear? ***He grabs her hand from his chest and trails it down to the top of his trousers.***

***She glares at him.***Not in front of all the people. OMG! What will my mother think?

She thinks your dead, my love. Remember?

Next question. ***She relaxes into him, dropping her hand down by her side.***

2. Have you ever had that supposedly common dream of being in a crowded place in only your underwear?

That’s about how I feel when I’m around you.

Oh but, I dream about you naked without your Vickies. Though your Vickies do accentuate your lower half. ***He presses her tighter into him.***

Is that a Three Musketeer's Bar hiding in your pants?

Tessie, we do have other questions before I unwrap the confection. ***He whispers in her ear.***

3. What is the worst thing you can think of to make underwear out of?

Preparation H.

***He jerks away from her.***

What?

The thought unnerved me. You’re not planning something are you?

***She shrugs.***

Next question, please.

4. If you were a pair of panties what color would you be?

Dark chocolate.

***He pulls her back into him.*** Sounds delicious.

What color would you be? ***She squirms in his embrace.***

Nude, of course.***He vines his arms around her, squeezing her tighter, resting his chin on her shoulder.***

Stop it, Arthur. We’ve got more questions to answer. ***She wiggles more.***

***His hand massage-travels to her bottom.***

Seriously, Arthur! Next question. ***She moans.***

5. Have you ever thrown your underwear at a rock star or celebrity? If so, which ones? If not, which ones?

Absolutely not. It’s terribly un-lady-like.

But you’d throw your Vickies at me. Wouldn’t you?

Look, get me some Ben and Jerry’s Fudge Brownie ice cream and we can discuss me throwing them at you. Okay?

Can I have a little taste? ***He brushes his fangs along her throat.***

****Electricity zig-zags through her body and she shudders.*** Answer the question, Arthur.

I don’t wear underwear. Remember?

6. You’re out of underwear what do you do?

Panic.

Once again, I don’t wear any. ***He swirls his hands around the cheeks of her bottom to her hips.*** We could take yours off now.

***She manages to free her arm and throws a punch into him.***

OW!

Next question.

7. Are you old enough to remember Underoos? If so, did you have any? Which ones?

Huh? Never heard of them. I can always Google them later.

***He catches her off guard and let’s out a howl, pulling her into him again.**** Underoooooooo! ***He presses his lips to her throat, washing his tongue up and down her flesh.***

***She moans before she pushes at him but his fangs prick at her exposed skin. **** Seriously, Arthur! I need a Kit Kat or something, now!

Aww, but we’ve got a couple more questions to answer. Can I taste you after?

What are you? Nuts? Speaking of nuts, do you think I can get a Milky Way or a Mars Bar when we’re done? Please?

***He lets out a loud sigh and collapses his head into her shoulder.*** You’re driving me crazy, Tessie.

8. If you could have any message printed on your underwear, what would it be?

Chocolate goodness.

Let me in. Let me in. ***His hands travel up her back and down to her hips.” Please, Tessie. Please.

Not until, I get my diamond and more chocolate. You know the deal. Next question.

9. How many bloggers does it take to put panties on a goat?

That sounds perverted. Putting panties on a goat. I think someone needs to contact PETA.

It’s a joke. It’s one of those college jokes.

It’s animal abuse. ****She punches his chest and backs away from him.***

Tessie, please. It’s only a joke. Really.

Well then, since it’s a joke we need to pass this onto someone else. How about……

Sabrina and her vampire of choice at Something Nebulous Within

EJ Wesley (He can’t go unscathed) at The Open Vein

Lila and Max at Secondhand Shoes, A Novel

But Lila doesn’t like Max.

***She shrugs.*** Maybe she can put him in his place.

Contessa and Arthur Have Escaped to Another Blogger's Blog Today

They've ran off to Beth Muscat's, All Kidding Aside:
http://allkiddingaside-beth.blogspot.com/2011/08/my-guest-bloggers-todaycontessa-and.html

Go check them out!

Have a great day!

Shelly

Number Five Rules

I know, I promised a book review and an author interview. Still waiting to hear back from the author. That’s my life, unpredictable.

Oh no, Toto and Flying Monkeys, too!! Okay. Fly monkeys, fly. Go on now. Get on with yourselves. Let’s move on as Rob would say.

The number five is my number. Let me explain or, rather clear up some stuff first.

Five is the number of travel, adventure, motion, instability, and unpredictability. Hence, five daughters. Talk about chaos. Just imagine five little girls giggling and screaming throughout your house. Now imagine five teen-age daughters around a certain time of the month.

They say, the number five represents the goddess, Venus. She’s the goddess of love. Hence, five daughters, again. Plus, I’ve had a well seasoned life. Five committed relationships including my little sweetman.

I was born in 1965.

My favorite sibling is five years younger than me.

At the age of five, I was the biggest brat ever. I lied. I stole from the school bookstore. I beat up the boys. I even unraveled every hemmed dress I owned. Mom fixed that. For five hours, I sat beside her and watched her stitch back every hem back in place. Stood in corners a lot and got the spanking of my life from my stepdad. The age five was a turning point for me in the behavior department. Being good was better than being bad.

My oldest daughter was born in 1985. What a pivotal moment! She was three weeks early.

Any job that I’ve kept for a long time was either on Fifth street or avenue. If not, it was on the fifth floor of a building.

I’ve lived on thirty-fifth street and Mendocino street ( research suggested that named street had something to do with five).

Five is the number of travel. My husband and I travel quite a bit. Israel. New York City. Hawaii. Jamaica. Mexico. Colorado. Texas. Our own state. I used to commute to work for five years---talk about a relentless travel experience.

I wake up at five am every morning no matter what.

The number five has meaning, and not just to me.

There are five vowels. A,e,i,o, and u.

We all have five fingers and toes---well, maybe we all do.

In the Jewish and Arab communities, the hand with its five fingers is used as an amulet of protection. I even own one---keep it in my kitchen.

There is the five books of Torah. Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.

The Muslims pray to their God, Allah, five times a day.

In Christianity, the number five represents the fifth great mystery. Grace or redemption.

The Roman numeral V is the number five.

Five also represents the hoo-hoo, the vaganga, and what I’ve named my Virginia. Hence, the five daughters, again.

Okay, enough of that.

Do any of you have a number you can relate to? Does one pop up continually throughout your life?

Let me know.

Happy blogging, reading, and writing!!

Shelly

Blonde, Blue-Eyed American-Laotian Babies and Vampire Divorce

This morning I found it difficult to pull myself out of bed. It’s raining outside and work kicked my arse last night (from one to nine pm), I did twenty-six heads of hair.

When I got home from work, No-No went into a rant over one of her body parts not feeling well. I think it was about a muscle in her leg, wasn’t really listening. For the past ten days she’s been on a real hypochondriac roll. Next week we’ll be burying her at the rate she’s going. Guess I’ve lost my editor-in-chief and my techi-chic. Oh, grief! Hope I’m using proper grammar and sentence structure.

But that’s not the point of this blog. What was the point? Oh, yeah….

Today I’ll defend why I’m a Twi-freak ( read the books in one month and saw all the movies, thus far). I’ll try to sum it all up in one sentence but probably won’t.

The story took me back to my teen age years when I first fell in love. Phanmaly  Khoumphanpakdy. Yup. That’s his name. Try to pronounce that baby. I used to practice it. Thought I’d become Mrs. Khoumphanphakdy. Imagined what our babies would look like. Blonde, slanted blue-eyed American-Laotian babies with yellow skin. Kind of freaky when you think about it.

Anyway, he preferred to be called Lee. And Lee was perfect in everyway. No body, face, or soul imperfections like Edward. He could do no wrong in my eyes. He made my heart sing and my body….well, use your imagination here. I mean, if you’ve seen the Twilight movies, you’d understand what I mean. Bella looks ravenous when she looks at Edward and more so when they’re about to kiss. I’m surprised that they didn’t gobble each other up. And, I mean literally devour each other from head to toe when they finally kissed ( fanning myself right now ).

There were times I wanted to gobble up Lee and he probably me. But that didn’t happen. My life’s not a fantasy and there isn’t always a happy ending. We broke up eight months later. Found out he wasn’t so perfect, after all. That sucked. Good thing we didn’t get married and have children together. Oh-oh!

I'm thinking what if Bella decides Edward’s not perfect. Then what? Oh, no! She’s got a baby, you know. Resnesme ( something like that ). Anyway, when she finds out Edward’s not perfect what is she going to do? She gave up her humanity to be a vampire forever. She’s bonded to him for eternity unless… she chops off his head and burns his body. Oh my! That’s a problem.

Glad I’m not Bella or Edward for that matter. Vampire divorce is worse than human divorce. One would have to die in order for the other to survive in peace---think a lot of humans feel the same way---it would be cheaper in the long run, though. Glad my kids are grown---won’t have to watch my back, I think.

So what do you guys think about vampire divorce?

Just thinking that’s all ( palms up in air and shrugs).

Happy blogging, reading, and writing!

Shelly

P.S. I know you’re going to read this Sweetman.  Just wanted you to know I love you with all my heart. You make me hot and I just want to pinch your dimpled-cheekies. And, I’ll never want to chop off your head and burn your body. Promise.