The Life of a Novice Writer

SPAL: We have Schroeder and Zoe with us today.

HB: Yeah. Charmaine Clancy it their mom.

SPAL: And the author to My Zombie Dog.

HB: Yeah. And today her fur-peeps want to share her newest book, Dognapped.

SPAL: I’m definitely reading this one.

HB: But you haven’t read Zombie Dog yet, pansy boy.

SPAL: My reading pile is high, stupid. You think you can do any better?

HB: ***he waves his paw in the space between them***Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.

SPAL: Enough. We’d like to welcome Zoe and Schroder. Hey! What kind of fur-peeps are you?

HB: ***runs about sniffing his guests***

Schr: I'm Schroeder and I'm a miniature schnauzer, just like the main character in Dognapped?

Zoe: The main character in Dognapped? is Kitty, and she's a human girl.

Schr: Well, yeah, sure, she features more, but the story is really about how fantastic miniature schnauzers are. They just make out it's about humans... it's all politics you know.

Zoe: I think you're the one who doesn't know.

Schr: Someone's jealous because the border collie only has a small part in the book!

Zoe: At least Molly, the border collie, was brave.

Schr: Yeah? Well... well... MUMMY! Zoe's pickin' on me!

Zoe: Sook.

Charmaine: Are you two fighting for attention again? Don't make me come in there!

SPAL: It doesn’t help that Hair Ball is up their bums.

HB: ***his nose is at the back of Zoe*** She smells like musky flowers.

SPAL: ***rolls his eyes at Hair Ball*** Who’s your Mummsy?

Schr: Charmaine is the one who brings home the animals, so I guess she's our Mummy.

Zoe: Although I really belong more to the little one. She sneaks me food.

Schr: Yeah, you are Matilda's girl aren't you?

SPAL: We used to have a No-No-O. But she lives with a Yakov, in Israel now. ***he frowns*** Her bedroom was the eternal buffet. But no more. ***he shrugs*** So what does your Mummsy write, draw, or paint?

Zoe: Matilda is an amazing artist for a pup, I mean child. She also writes great stories and reads them to me.

Schr: Charmaine writes too, Dognapped? is her second book for kids. She likes to draw too, but doesn't think she's very good at it.

Zoe: Maybe we should mention Emily?

Schr: The other kid? She's got the cat.

Zoe: That's a cat?! Looks more like a rat.

*both dogs snicker

SPAL: I love cats. I miss mine.

HB: ***Lifts his head from Zoe’s bum*** What’s a cat?

SPAL:***he glances at HB*** I’ll tell you later, stupid.***he looks to Soe and Schr*** Anyway, Do you two like hanging out with your Mummsy while she worke on her projects?

Schr: Of course! I help Mummy when she's typing.

Zoe: You mean sit on her lap and get in the way?

Schr: I help.

Zoe: Yeah, I like to help Matilda when she's reading.

Schr: You do know she can't read through that big head of yours?

Zoe: She needs me to lick her face when we get to a scary bit.

SPAL: I know what you mean.

HB: Yeah.

SPAL: I like to sit in my Mummsy’s lap or bedside her when she works.

HB: I like her feet. They taste good.

SPAL: Where do you two like to sit? On her lap? At her feet? Or on her keyboards or crayons?

Schr: I'm definitely a lap dog. But if no one's around, I like to hop up on the couch...

Charmaine: Schroeder! Get off the couch!

Schr: Never mind.

Zoe: I prefer the feet. I like to lick them.

HB: I’m in love.

Schr: You become a lap dog as soon as there's the first sign of thunder!

Zoe: Shhh, don't tell them that.

HB: Zoe can come to my house during a storm. I’ll protect her. ***he puffs out his chest*** I’ll even share my treats with you. What do you and they like to nosh on? And would you be willing to share them with me and pansy boy?

Zoe: My favourite treat is fish oil capsules. Mummy says they're good for us, but they can't be, they taste too good. I also like to drink from the cat's bowl, just to show I'm not scared of her.

Schr: Look out, here she comes!

Zoe: What?! Where?! Oh.

Schr: Hmm, food... I like it all.

Zoe: Literally. He'll eat anything: Lettuce, banana, chilli, socks...

SPAL: Love bananas. But socks are like pantyhose. I got really sick after I swallowed a pair.

Schr: I'm happy to share.

Zoe: Only because no one else wants the crud you eat.

Schr. Crud good.

HB: Crud? Out Mummsy says that about what’s in the garbage can. Crud is pretty tasty.

CH:Thanks Shelly for having Zoe and Schroeder on your blog today, I hope they didn't misbehave too much.

My newest release is Dognapped? A Dog Show Detective Mystery, it's available from Amazon: