HB: Mummsy had a terribly stressful two weeks. What should we do for her? Because I don’t think the Zen music you find for her on YouTube works.
SPAL: I truly believe I need to teach her how to take time out of her day to smell the hampers.
HB: How are you going to do that, pansy-boy?
SPAL: Hmmm…(he scratches his head). I’m thinking.
HB: How about an instructional post on how to do it. (He claps his paws).
SPAL: Oh, my God! I think you actually had a logical thought. There might be hope for you yet.
They stare at each other while silence looms between them.
Five minutes later, SPAL raises his paw, plops it back onto the floor, and walks toward the computer.HB follows behind. Both hop into separate chairs at the kitchen table where the computer sits.
SPAL: Okay. Here’s my advice for mummsy and other non-fur-people. When you come home remove all your clothing and drop into the hamper with your other clothes.
HB: Then sniff. Right?
HB: Should they sniff from the outside of the hamper or from the inside?
SPAL: I suggest going inside.
HB: How far inside?
SPAL: I suggest as far as possible. But first you must topple it sideways to get the effect of the relaxing aromas held within.
SPAL: After, slowly move your body into it and take a deep inhale.
SPAL: And if that doesn’t work, go deeper into the hamper. Inhale again and slowly exhale. Stay there inhaling, hang onto it before you exhale. The point is to relax with each exhalation.
HB: How long should someone stay in there?
SPAL: Until they’ve reached a total state of peace and ecstasy.
HB: Oh, but what if they become addicted?
SPAL: This is not addictive. Trust me.
HB: That’s what they say about drugs.
SPAL: What damage can be caused by inhaling all the aromas of already worn clothing?
HB scratches his head.
SPAL: Everyone needs to take time to smell the hampers. Trust me. It works. It’s Yoga for your sniffer.