HB: Mummsy’s been hanging out a lot on our favorite giant-squishy-chair lately.
SPAL: You mean the sofa? Where you’re always on top and I’m on the bottom.
HB: Is that what it’s called? For real?
SPAL: Yes, stupid. (He rolls his eyes.)
HB: Whatever, pansy!
SPAL: Anyway, I like it when she’s on the sofa with us but not like Monday. All day.
HB: Yup. That’s strange for mummsy Because Tuesday after work she did the same thing. She didn’t even go to her writing room.
SPAL: I know. And, Wednesday she went to see the screaming thing, she calls Baby Ho-Ho.
HB: Yeah. That thing moves funny and smells funny. Kind of like---
SPAL: Nothing you can eat because mummsy loves it. I caught her talking to it and hugging it.
SPAL: Thursday mummsy resorted to the sofa all morning before she went to her hair lopping job.
HB: Yeah. Friday she did the same thing. You know, maybe she should take time out to smell the insides of shoes instead of hampers. Your post last week didn’t seem to work. She ended up taking everything out of the hamper and putting it all into the Great White Noisy Abyss.
HB: You think you’re soooo smart. Don’t you, pansy-boy?
SPAL: Anyway, I’m worried about mummsy.
HB: Well, what do you think’s wrong with her?
SPAL: I heard daddy-o call it the funk.
HB: The funk? (He scratches his head.)
SPAL: Yup. The funk. Today she got up, cleaned downstairs, and got dressed up real fancy. She even put on heels.
HB: Oooo. She did. Very weird.
SPAL: Said she was going to a bridal tea party where she had to dress like My Fair Lady or Alice in Wonderland.
HB: What’s a bridal tea party?
SPAL: I think that’s where they drink tea, eat treats, and play fetch.
HB: Oh. How come she didn’t take us? I like to play fetch.
SPAL: Did you forget she dropped us off at Dominatrix Lisa’s place of many White Watery Abysses of Torture for almost the entire day? Don’t you remember her asking if we wanted to “Go to Puppy Parlor” in her funny voice. The one she uses when Baby Ho-Ho is around.
HB: Awww…she tricked us. Is that what the funk does? Makes you, not be you?
SPAL: Maybe it’s something else?
HB: Like what?
SPAL: I saw this program on television with daddy-o one evening about Pod People. They come from outer space and take over the people you love.
HB: Ohhhh. You think maybe that screaming-smelly thing is a Pod People and it took over mummsy.
SPAL: I think you could actually be right.
HB: Yeah. It sounds like one, too.