HB: Look what daddy-o did to me! (he sniffles)
SPAL: Awwww! Torture!
HB: He shaved off my handsome curls. He took my manhood away. Now Cupcake won’t have anything to do with me. (He lowers his head)
SPAL: What did I tell you about messing around with younger fur-people? You’re going to end up on Pasco Countie’s pedophile page.
HB shrugs and walks out of the bathroom into the morning room. SPAL follows behind.
SPAL: What’s this?
HB: Mummsy brought it home in a big bag. She said it’s for me.
SPAL: It can’t possibly be yours. It’s mine.
HB: Nah-uh! It’s mine. Mummsy said.
SPAL: No it’s not! Don’t touch it or I’ll let you have it. It’s mine, stupid!
HB walks away, head hanging low toward SPAL’s food bowl. He takes a few pieces of kibble into his mouth and crunches loud. “This sure is good. Your bowl always tastes better…mmm… mmm good!”
SPAL: Awww! This thing mummsy brought home…which by the way is a bed, stupid…sure is nice! (He makes himself comfy) I’m going to sleep sooo good tonight!
Mummsy comes into the room. “What are you doing? That’s Hair Ball’s bed. Get off.”
SPAL: It couldn’t possibly be his bed. I’m your good boy. Not him. (Reluctantly, he gets off it)
Mummsy: Come here, Hair Ball.
HB walks away from the food bowl, grinning, trotting toward her.
Mummsy kneels onto the floor and scoops him up. “This is your new bed. You needed a new one. I hope you like it.” She lays him on it.
HB: Who’s stupid now, pansy-poop-eater? Told you! (He sticks out his tongue)
Three hours later.
SPAL: Who’s bed is it now? I dare you to make me leave.