Sir Poops and Hair Ball: Interview with Honey Bear

 SPAL: Hello, nice people. Sorry we’re late again today, but Mummsy had errands to run most the day. She really hates doing them because they get in the way of her writing time.

HB: Well, I offered to do them for her, but she said no. Although, I’m pretty sure I could handle her car. I know where the key goes.

SPAL: Mummsy says your too short and that you’d never be able to see over the steering wheel, stupid.

HB: Am not, pansy.

SPAL: Are,too.

HB: Whatever. I’ve got a big friend coming, and I bet she can drive because she’s way bigger than you.

SPAL: So.

HB: Yeah. Well. Here she comes, pansy. Bet she can beat your butt, too.

HB2: Hi, I’m Honey Bear. The picture below is of my nephew and me. I’m the beautiful ginger-colored one.

HB: Can you drive a car?

HB2: Um…***scratches behind her ear*** A car? No. Although I’m quite smart, I don’t write, either. My mom would have a fit if I messed with her computer.

HB: Awe man! I was hoping we could go for a spin in my Mummsy’s Jetta.

SPAL: ***smirks at Hair Ball and then looks to Honey Bear*** You sure are big. What kind of fur-peep are you?

HB2: I’m a golden retriever.

HB: Wow! Do you fetch gold nuggets or something? I like to fetch my ball. ***sniffs at her*** You smell different…***sniffs again*** …you don’t smell like Fiona or Penny.

SPAL: ***cups Hair Balls ear and whispers*** Stupid. ***then looks to Honey Bear*** So who is your proud parent?

HB2:My parents are Joyce and Mitchell.

SPAL: Do either of them write, draw, or paint?

HB2: My mom writes a blog called Catch My Words and has published a story in Appleseeds Magazine. Dad writes legal contracts all the time.

SPAL: ***elbows Hair Ball*** Think you need to be careful. I think her Dad is a lawyer or something.

HB:***blinks his eyes twice***What’s a lawyer?

SPAL: Someone who could help take all your treats and your ball away from you if you’re naughty. So if I were, I wouldn’t hump Honey Bear’s hump or sniff her leg anymore.

HB: ***Gasps and moves away from Honey Bear**** OH. ***He looks to Honey Bear*** Do you like hanging out with your parents while they work on their projects?

HB2: Where ever they go, I shall follow.

SPAL: Yeah. We love to follow our Mummsy. Where do you like to sit when they’re around?

HB2: I always lay at Mom and Dad’s feet.

HB: Feet are tasty. Speaking of tasty, what do you and they like to nosh on? And would you be willing to share?

HB2: I’ll eat anything they give me, although I have all kinds of allergies so my parents don’t give me much. Share? Are you serious? If I shared, I wouldn’t have as much and that would be sad.

SPAL: Awe. I have lots of allergies, too. Mostly to commercial dog foods. I have to eat very special.

HB: Yeah. He’s a pansy. And seriously…you need to share! Or I’ll----

SPAL: ***whispers to Hair Ball***What? Did you forget her Dad’s a lawyer? She doesn’t have to share anything with you, stupid, except slapping you with harassment.