HB: Yeah. Hi. Got some treats? ***he jumps up and down***
SPAL: ***his head bobs up and down, watching HB***That’s not nice. ***he looks out at the nice people*** Today, we have our first interview with a fur-peep, named Fiona.
HB: Isn’t that Shreck’s girlfriend? She’s an ogre, right?
SPAL: Well, lets ask her since she doesn’t look like either on of us. She’s definitely not a Malti-poo, like you, or a Chinese Crested, like myself. ***He looks at Fiona*** So what breed your are?
F: My name is Fiona and I’m a Chihuahua. I also hang out with my older stepsister Pinky. She’s not blood relation but we kind of look alike don’t you think? She is so smart! I think she’s half Chihuahua and half golden retriever but that sounds like a stretch. Pinky has taught me all kinds of cool naughty things. She’s great at dumpster diving, shredding toilet paper and she even told me I don’t need puppy pads anymore! Freedom!*does a specialized happy dance which involves two 360 turns and a little leap in the air.*Anyway, I love being mischievous, don’t you?
HB:***waggles his brows*** I’d love to get mischievous with you. Come here let me smell*** he chases Fiona in a circle***
SPAL: ***puts up his paws*** No butt huffing! Absolutely not! This is an interview. And I’m all about keeping it clean.
HB: ***stops*** You’re no fun.
SPAL: I’m an adult. We’re not supposed to fun. That’s what Mummsy used to say to our sisters. ***he glances at Fiona*** Who is your proud adult parent?
F: Don’t you boys know our Pop and Eve? Pop thinks we’re stinky. He thinks we’re two of the stupidest dogs that ever lived but Mom says we’re also the cutest. She likes to get us nice toys and she lets us snuggle on her lap when we’re watching Wheel of Fortune. It’s funny how human peeps yell at the television just like they yell at us when we do something disobedient. All that fuss over vowels and consonants. Sheesh. Anyway, I think yelling at the idiot box is stupid. Did you hear that Pops? I just took a leak on the carpet because Pops said my nose looks like a piglet. I don’t think he’s too proud of me but I still love him. When he comes home I’m always happy.
HB: You whiz on the carpet? That’s as bad as pansy boy here pooping on the bathroom floor upstairs.
SPAL: Yeah. Well…you…you…whiz on peoples’ feet.
HB: I can’t help I get excited. But why do you poop on the bathroom floor? I know its premeditated.
SPAL: ***ignores HB*** Hey, Fiona. What does your parent write, draw, or paint? My Mummsy writes.
F: Mom is a writer but we think she’s just sitting at the computer so we can’t jump on her lap.
HB: Really? My Mummsy lets me in her lap when she’s at her computer. Do you like hanging out with your mom at all while she works on their projects?
F: Are you kidding me little man? I’d grow old waiting for her to finish what she’s doing. I’m very independent and prefer looking out the sliding glass window. Pinky is older and much bigger--*whispers* (She’s 20 pounds!) and keeps her eyes on my mom at all times. It’s so weird—she acts like a freakin’ baby!
SPAL: Hmmm… Well, where do you like to sit? On their lap? At their feet? Or on their keyboards or crayons?
F: I might be independent but when it’s cold, my favorite is being zipped into Mom’s hoodie. With summer coming, I don’t think she’ll be doing that anymore. When I’m all comfy in her robe or hoodie, she has her hands free to write and I can watch and make sure she doesn’t make any typos. This blissful feeling doesn’t last long though because I get restless or one of us has to pee. Maybe someday I’ll get a hoodie too. One of those Ninja hoodies so I can go undercover and show you boys how you should never mess with female pups because we are super tough! *growls*
HB: Well…I’m Wolverine. ***growls back at Fiona***
SPAL: ***he puts his paws on his hips*** Stop it, you two. Or no treats.
HB: Speaking of treats, what do you and your mom like to nosh on? And would you be willing to share?
F: We’re not allowed to have any people food but Mom sneaks all kinds of small snacks our way. Our new favorite is peanut butter--that stuff is divine. Pops says I’m greedy, so I guess I’m not that great at sharing. Sorry. Our new pooch food is IAMS and I eat it all day. Do you think I’ll get fat like Pinky?
HB: Fat? ***he studies Fiona*** As long as you keep running in circles, I don’t think so. I’d be happy to chase you so I can smell your…***he waggles his brows***
SPAL: What did I tell you two? Such behavior is not allowed in an interview.
HB and Fiona ignore SPAL. They sniff and chase each other, all the while giggling.
Eve Gaal’s newly published book is Penniless Hearts. It’s about that feeling you get when all your human peeps leave you alone and you wonder when or if they’re coming back. The reviews are good and we liked it because there’s a small dog in the story. Her name is Lulu. You can find it here:
SPAL: Mummsy says Ms. Evie’s books is one the most funniest books she’s read in a long time. She loved it. You can find her review on the book over at Amazon and Goodreads.
Lots of licks,
Sir Poops and Hair Ball