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Sunday, June 5, 2011

My Trip to NYC: No-No and the Sausage, Happily Ever After…NOT!

 

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The last day Sweetman and I were in New York City, we spent it with No-No and her Sausage. The picture there is of the two of them. They looked so happy. They acted like they were a cute little married couple.

Sausage appeared to have goo-goo eyes for her. No-No definitely had the goo-goos for him. Both wore an everlasting smile the entire time. It’s possible they’d had sex the night before. The everlasting smile indicated this.

Our first stop with the blissful couple was to park the car in a garage somewhere. The cost, fifty bucks every half hour. Let me make a note to all my fellow Floridians, never complain ever again about the fifty cents every half hour we pay for our parking in the city. NYC socks it to you and good. Not to mention, make sure you’ve got tip money for the valet-parker-dude. Yup. We had to pay him too plus the every half hour fee. Talk about loosing your money in style.

We parked close to Rockefeller Center. Where the ice skating rink hangs out, waiting for ice skaters to come and glide all over its frozen self. It’s quite a site.

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We even lunched at the Rock Café (nothing to really write home about let alone stealing a couple stars from the night sky to give them, our waiter was non-attentive and stressed out).  I learned the Sausage ate lots of bread. Loves white soft bread.He went through two baskets. No-No as usual ate barely nothing. She’s got the eyes-are-too-big-for-her-stomach-syndrome. She ate about five forkfuls of pecan pancakes. Expensive pecan pancakes, mind you.

After, we walked down to Times Square.0320111312-00 Elmo hung around the corner panhandling. Pretty sad to see little Elmo begging for money. Guess he lost his job on Sesame Street. By the looks of the show lately, they do look a little hard up. Their back drops look like big coloring books. That’s pretty cheap staging if you ask me. A box of Crayola's is way less expensive than paint and real furniture. Never thought I’d see the day a Sesame Street character hit rock bottom, but there he is, cup and all. Poor little guy begging for monies.

Sweetman dragged me away from him before I could scoop him up and stuff him in my handbag. I’m sure Sir Poops-A-Lot and Hair Ball would’ve loved a new brother. Sorry guys.

Times Square.

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0320111323-01OMG. There’s people everywhere in Times Square. You can’t get away from them. It reminded me of the movie The Sixth Sense. Wonder how many others were there my visible eye couldn’t see?

This concluded our visit with No-No and the Sausage.0320111350-00 They were all smiles when we said our goodbyes, but Sweetman heckled me all the way to the airport.

“He’s using her,” he said. “He’s using her for sex. He’s going to dump her for his family.”

“How do you know that?” I asked.

“He’s a Hasidic mess. Didn’t you hear? He hasn’t even introduced her to his family yet.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” I squirmed in my seat.

“The entire time during lunch he was on the phone speaking to his father in Yiddish. Did you forget I’m Jewish?”

“No.”

“Let’s hope they haven’t had sex yet.”

It’s a good thing Sweetman didn’t notice the everlasting smiles on their faces. That was the sign for me. I knew.

Anyway, three weeks later I get the call. The dreaded one. You know, he’s-left-me- and-I’m-almost-out-of-money-call. Help! And, I-can’t-believe-I-had-sex-with- him. I-thought-he-loved-me. Yup. That call.

Sorry, No-No, but you’re going to have to figure this one out. I’m not the Bank of Mom and my butt crack doesn’t resemble an ATM machine. Really. I use that crack for personal shit. Really.

Sorry to say, we told her so.

So, what is everyone else's kids up to these day?

Shelly

13 comments:

  1. This has to be the all time coolest account of New York City I have ever read in my life! Woody Allen has nothing on you, baby!
    Oh and don't worry, if No-No goes back to Times Square it sounds like there are millions of Sausages to choose from.

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  2. @Eve: You're funny. Thanks for stopping by.

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  3. Ah, when will No-no learn her lesson?

    I was of the impression that I'd had Elmo murdered.... er, that is, I had a character murder Elmo.

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  4. As long as she doesn't bring Elmo home, I think you can breath a sigh of releif.

    Happily childless,
    Lorelei

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  5. That's pretty sad to see Elmo begging...too funny...

    I wonder if he makes more now than he did on Sesame Street?

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  6. @Wills: Don't know, but I've got another No-No story sometime next week.

    @Lorelei: To be honest the fur-people are much easier.

    @Beth: It's possible.

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  7. Too fun. I really, really, really want to go. My kids do too, now that they've seen night at the museum. But I think I'll wait until they're old enough to enjoy stuff that's a little more... adult. OR maybe sometime the husband and I will go it alone :D Without a car.

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  8. Luckily, my kids aren't at that stage yet, but it's scary. Really scary!!

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  9. Jolene: NYC is fun. Adult children aren't as fun. Poopie diapers and drool are way better.

    @Miranda: Yup. Ault children are scary.

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  10. Ah, New York. Such lovely memories for us. We even got ourselves out of the hotel room from time to time.

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  11. @Scarlett and James: You two are spreading the love, I take it. Everywhere, huh?

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  12. OMG Shelly, I just fell out of my chair... and I don't do that often. You always make me giggle. Sometimes a little too hard. Sorry that No-No had some issues, but he's not a sausage, he's a wiener.

    Your pictures of New York are beautiful too!

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  13. @ Regina: Hope you didn't hurt anything.

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Let me know what you think.