Saturday, May 7, 2011
Saturdays with Sir Poops-A-Lot: The Tragic Story of No-No and the Sausage
SPAL: What did you do with the camera?!
HB: Didn't touch it.
SPAL: Too! You mess everything up. You know that?
HB: You're a pansy! Pansy! Pansy!
SPAL: Hmm...(he sticks his nose in the air). Guess I'll have to tell the story without the pictures.
HB: What story?
SPAL: The No-No and Sausage story.
HB: Oh, that one.
SPAL: Yeah. No-No's heart's been broken. Daddy-o's real mad, too. Says No-No is dumb for leaving everything behind.
SPAL: Not us, but yes, us. Her job. She never transferred her job to New York. Mummsy said she could've. And, she told mummsy and daddy-o she wasn't going to take the finals to her classes this semester. It made mummsy cry because she spent more money on college classes that went down the drain.
SPAL: And, now No-No's in a pickle jar. The Sausage left her all by herself. She has no job and wants to come back home.
HB: Hooray! No-No's coming back home! We can lay in her dirty socks and clothes and her bed all day long.
SPAL: Nope. Mummsy wants to keep it her office. And, daddy-o says no way she's coming back. She needs to learn a lesson.
HB: Like timeout?
SPAL: Timeout, forever.
HB: No, No-No forever?
SPAL: Something like that.
HB: Why did the Sausage leave her?
SPAL: Well, mummsy says you don't run off with people from Facebook.
HB: What's that?
SPAL: Where people meet each other but not face to face. Anyway, daddy-o said the Sausage was from some cult. He was raised that way and went back to it, leaving No-No with nothing. No-No thought he loved her and he promised to marry her but his parents said they'd never accept her.
HB: Poor, No-No. I want to take a bite out of the Sausage(He gives a firece little dog growl). Where's that Pansy?
SPAL: He's somewhere in New York.
HB: Why can't she come back here and live with us?
SPAL: Daddy-o and mummsy gave an edict. Maybe its because she's done this before. Remember Canada?
SPAL: Besides, my heart broke when she left. I think she broke yours, too. You cried and cried for days. Remember?
SPAL: This makes it two times now. Maybe its a good idea she doesn't come back because she'll do it again.
HB: Are we breaking up with her, too?
SPAL: I think so.
HB: But, breaking up is so hard to do.
SPAL: We have to. Because she'll only leave us for another Sausage, or a Hot Dog, or a piece of Chopped Liver.