Friday, January 21, 2011

Blonde, Blue-Eyed American-Laotian Babies and Vampire Divorce

This morning I found it difficult to pull myself out of bed. It’s raining outside and work kicked my arse last night (from one to nine pm), I did twenty-six heads of hair.

When I got home from work, No-No went into a rant over one of her body parts not feeling well. I think it was about a muscle in her leg, wasn’t really listening. For the past ten days she’s been on a real hypochondriac roll. Next week we’ll be burying her at the rate she’s going. Guess I’ve lost my editor-in-chief and my techi-chic. Oh, grief! Hope I’m using proper grammar and sentence structure.

But that’s not the point of this blog. What was the point? Oh, yeah….

Today I’ll defend why I’m a Twi-freak ( read the books in one month and saw all the movies, thus far). I’ll try to sum it all up in one sentence but probably won’t.

The story took me back to my teen age years when I first fell in love. Phanmaly  Khoumphanpakdy. Yup. That’s his name. Try to pronounce that baby. I used to practice it. Thought I’d become Mrs. Khoumphanphakdy. Imagined what our babies would look like. Blonde, slanted blue-eyed American-Laotian babies with yellow skin. Kind of freaky when you think about it.

Anyway, he preferred to be called Lee. And Lee was perfect in everyway. No body, face, or soul imperfections like Edward. He could do no wrong in my eyes. He made my heart sing and my body….well, use your imagination here. I mean, if you’ve seen the Twilight movies, you’d understand what I mean. Bella looks ravenous when she looks at Edward and more so when they’re about to kiss. I’m surprised that they didn’t gobble each other up. And, I mean literally devour each other from head to toe when they finally kissed ( fanning myself right now ).

There were times I wanted to gobble up Lee and he probably me. But that didn’t happen. My life’s not a fantasy and there isn’t always a happy ending. We broke up eight months later. Found out he wasn’t so perfect, after all. That sucked. Good thing we didn’t get married and have children together. Oh-oh!

I'm thinking what if Bella decides Edward’s not perfect. Then what? Oh, no! She’s got a baby, you know. Resnesme ( something like that ). Anyway, when she finds out Edward’s not perfect what is she going to do? She gave up her humanity to be a vampire forever. She’s bonded to him for eternity unless… she chops off his head and burns his body. Oh my! That’s a problem.

Glad I’m not Bella or Edward for that matter. Vampire divorce is worse than human divorce. One would have to die in order for the other to survive in peace---think a lot of humans feel the same way---it would be cheaper in the long run, though. Glad my kids are grown---won’t have to watch my back, I think.

So what do you guys think about vampire divorce?

Just thinking that’s all ( palms up in air and shrugs).

Happy blogging, reading, and writing!


P.S. I know you’re going to read this Sweetman.  Just wanted you to know I love you with all my heart. You make me hot and I just want to pinch your dimpled-cheekies. And, I’ll never want to chop off your head and burn your body. Promise.


  1. Hmmm...vampires and divorce. Interesting topic. After all, til death do we part doesn't exactly work for vampire couples....

  2. @Norma: I know. It's a tragedy.

  3. I think I'll say the sane thing and say they don't have divorce in vampire world because there is no such thing. Fantasy is a wonderful thing. Edward can suck Bella for eternity and I'll never know and never care, cause I don't read vampire shit.

    Above comment made with a shrug and a smile.

  4. @ Eve:
    I'm just saying 'What if'. Anything's possible. Maybe I should start a series on Vampire Divorce. Would that be reading worthy?

  5. Bella will just have to give up the fantasy and learn how to be happy with reality, just like the rest of us!

  6. Agree...but fantasies are nice sometimes.

  7. Urge to get snarky about glitter vampires rising....

  8. Good thing they're not real, William.


Let me know what you think.