Monday, April 18, 2011

O is for Oreo Cookies

Will Contessa let an Oreo cookie come between her and saving the life of her beloved Arthur, her vampire boyfriend?

“For crying out loud, Contessa.” He annunciated my entire name. He’s pissed.

“You can’t change me yet,” I said, watching him lean back into his seat. “I want my diamond first. Go see my family. Eat a weeks worth of chocolate. And do what you suggested. Get my rest and eat right the week before my change.”

“Sounds more like you’re stalling.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest, lowered his head, and frowned.

“Oh, Arthur. You know I love you but this vampire thing is a lot to deal with.” I grabbed the lever on the passenger door. It clicked and cracked open.

My blond vampire knight had his door wide open before I stepped onto the pavement. At lightning speed he moved around the Hummer and took my hand into his.

“Are you better now?” I asked.

“Not completely,” he said, pulling me along side him to the Circle-K sidewalk. He stopped us, looking around and sniffing at the night air.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Other vampires. And, not from my clan.”


He scooped me up into his arms. “We need to get your things and get out of here. This horde of vampires are very powerful. And they’re in hunt mode.”

“Hunt mode?” I looked into his yellow eyes.

He raised his brows. “Human. Hunt. Mode. Someone… tasty like you hunt mode.” He backed his bottom into the glass door, swinging it open.

“Oh.” I swallowed a hard lump.

He set me down and grabbed a store basket. “Stay beside me.” He draped his free arm around my shoulder, and tucked me into his side.

A low growl came from the left of us, behind a deserted clerk’s counter.

Arthur rushed us over to the junk food aisle. We were surrounded by shelves of various chocolates and cookies. Every kind imaginable lined the shelves except Keebler’s Chocolate Chip Cookies. So I grabbed two packages of Oreos, and crammed them into the basket along with a plethora of chocolate bars.

A set of feet shuffled from behind us. I looked over my shoulder. The place looked void of others.

“Keep going.” Arthur pushed me ahead to the freezer section.

Chocolate milk and ice cream pints stared back at me. They were out of Godiva’s Unconditional Chocolate, but they did have Ben and Jerry’s Fudge Brownie. I pulled two pints out along with two cartons of chocolate milk, dropping them into my shopping basket.

“Done yet?” Arthur asked.

“I need Tampons, too.” My cheeks went hot. “It’s about that time of the month.”

He let out a loud sigh.

“Oh, and soap, toothpaste, a tooth brush, and some deodorant. Don’t want to stink.”

“Tessie. Really. We need to get out of here. Like now.” He scurried us to the toiletry aisle, grabbing my requested items, plunking them into the basket.

A moan came from the front of the store. My vampire hero shoved the basket into my arms, turned around, pulling me behind him. He towered in front of me.

Heels clopped against the shiny floor.

“What is a Jewish vampire doing in my store?” A man’s voice spoke broken English. He sounded Arab.

I hooked my arm into the basket handles and peeked around Arthur’s arm.

A black-haired man stood in front of my boyfriend, blocking the way to the checkout counter. He looked well-fed. Saliva dripped from the corners of his mouth. His red eyes shifted from my boyfriend to me. He tilted his head like an animal and sniffed at the air.

I clutched the goody basket to my chest.

“Stay behind me, Tessie,” Arthur growled, shoving me behind him.

“Let me have the female Infidel, and I’ll let you keep your head, Jew-dog.”

My whole body shook. Cellophane rustled in the basket. If only, I had an Oreo lingering on my palette.

“No,” my boyfriend said. “She’s mine.” He pressed his body against me, backing me into the store shelf. Bottles pummeled to the floor with a loud thud.

I fumbled in the basket for the Oreo cookies, ripped them open, grabbed one, and shoved it between my lips. I closed my eyes and chewed fast, swallowing it. It might be the last thing I eat before I die and go to heaven.

“Yours…as in dinner?” The Arab asked.

“My mate,” Arthur snarled.

I shoved another cookie into my mouth.

The other vampire laughed. “She should be in a burka then.”

Arthur pressed his backside into me harder, raising his right hand mid-air. A shiny sword gleamed above our heads.

My mouth went dry. I grappled for the chocolate milk carton, opened it, and took a few swigs.

“You think, you can take my head?” The other vampire hissed.

My boyfriend moved two swift steps ahead and swung his sword. The Arab moved to his right, swinging his.

I plopped onto the floor, cramming one Oreo after another into my mouth. Stress eating helps me in times like these. It clears confusion and fear clogging my brain.

My Jewish vampire did a fight dance with the Arab vampire, their swords clanked together.

The Arab lunged at Arthur, toppling him to the floor. His sword’s blade within inches of my boyfriend’s throat.

I shoved another cookie into my mouth. It kept the panic in the pit of my stomach.


  1. How very clever; Yes chocolate will help elevate our senses, so no sword fighters can dampen our mood. Damn, where did I hide the Easter candy?! lol
    Nice to meet you; thanks for stopping by my blog~

  2. I've been enjoying this. Thanks! Keep it up! :)

  3. Lesley: Thank you. More to come on Wednesday. Contessa meets an Arab Vampire Queen.

    Ella: Thanks for stopping by mine.

  4. The mighty Battle of the Circle K... very funny! Keep it up!

  5. It was a big day when Oreo cookies cam to Norway. Not so long ago I must add :)

  6. OMG! If you're not making a novel out of this, you should! This is very funny!!! Loved it!!

  7. William: Thanks for stopping by. Will follow your advise. More to come on Wednesday.

    Siv: Do you seperate your Oreos and lick the icing off first. Mmmmmm.....

    Beth: I plan on editing it to proper standards and make it into a Novella series. I see a few mistakes after the fact even though I put it through an eyeball edit.

  8. I wish I was shoving Oreos into my mouth right now. Too bad they were out of Keebler’s Chocolate Chip Cookies.

    I’m A-Z Blogging on Langley Writes about Writing and Langley’s Rich and Random Life

  9. @ Ms. Langley: Me, too. One problem though, they'd make me arse grow. It's a form of steroids for women over forty and going through that morph-changing-woman's disease.

  10. Get those cookies in before the vampires catch on that they taste way better than blood!
    Wagging Tales - Blog for Writers

  11. Charmaine: I'll try to eat the whole bag.

  12. Hi! I have awarded you the Versatile Blogger Award!
    You can pick it up at

  13. lol, this is fun. Gotta love those oreo cookies.

  14. Last two lines were great, too fun.

  15. @Halli: Thank you much. I believe you're the third person to award the Versatile Blogger Award to me.

    @Lynda: Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.

    @Jolene: Glad you had fun. Thank you for stopping by. How's Alaska? Florida is hot and muggy as usual. THough it was cooler on Sunday.


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