Monday, April 25, 2011

U is for U-No Bar

The saga continues. What will Arthur and Contessa do with the Arab vampires bodies? And what will Contessa find next to snack on?

“We’re going to need to bury their heads and drop their bodies into a river or something before we go to my place,” Arthur said.

I removed his arm from my shoulders. “Seriously, I’m ready to have another shit-fit and go into convulsions here. You want me to touch those things?” The two decapitated, bloody heads gave the willies. Their wide open eyes stared back at me. Silent screams must’ve escaped in the middle of slicing their heads off them because their mouths were wide open, exposing their fangs.

“Its only to ensure they stay dead. Don’t need any followers or one of their clan members tracking us,” he said, stooping beside the heads. “Go grab some Glad Bags. Black ones.”

I put my hands on my hips, tapped my foot, and huffed, “Are you giving me an order?”

“Contessa.” He looked up at me through wisps of blond hair. His yellow eyes glared at me. “Now’s not the time to be difficult.”

I stomped over one aisle from the toiletry one. “What are the bags going to do?”

“For one, it’ll keep you from having to touch their dead bodies. And, it will keep their blood off us. That way no one will come hunt us down.”

I grabbed a box of the black bags and tucked it under my arm. “For real?” I asked. “You mean if their blood gets on us …it’s like being bated?” I looked back at the store shelf. Yellow Latex Gloves stared back at me. I yanked them from its hook none to careful, ripping the package open, took them out, and slipped them onto each hand.

Before going back to Arthur and the dead vampires, I slipped plastic bags over my Prada boots. My bag covered boots squishedsquished toward them.

My vampire boyfriend looked up and laughed.

“What?” I asked.

“You look…cute.”

“Seriously,” I said, throwing the boxed garbage bags at him.

Unlike the human him, he caught them with one hand. A true klutz, my old Arthur would’ve dropped them or cracked his fingers. Now he moved fast and graceful. Watching him, took my breath away.

“We need to hurry. You can stare at me later,” he said, tearing two bags out of the box.

“Would you like a pair of these?” I dangled an extra pair of Latex gloves out in front of me.

He nodded.

I shuffled toward him and handed him the pair.

He took them, sliding them onto his clean, well manicured hands. They were nothing like his other hands. Bitten nails and ragged cuticles. Being a vampire agreed with my boyfriend.

“You hold the bag open while I throw their heads in,” he said, standing. He shook a bag open and handed it to me.

I took it, stretching it far out from me. No way did I want their blood on me.

My boyfriend dumped Queen Bitch’s head in first.

I twisted and twisted the bag around at least twenty times before tying a knot in it.

We did the same with Hamid’s head.

“’Kay,” Arthur said. “It’s going to take two bags each to cover their bodies.”

“Can’t we just set the store on fire?” A whine tinged each one of my words. “Do we really need to dump them into a body of water?”

His eyes danced for about a minute, saying nothing.

“I mean…this seems like an awful lot of work. Look.” I tipped my head to the right. “Lighter fluid and lighters.” They sat next to a display of U-No Bars. Another favorite of mine. “It would make life so much easier. Besides, I’m tired and I’m getting hungry again.” My mouth watered, remembering bits of almonds bathed in milk chocolate. That would hit the spot.

He let out a loud sigh, “You’ve got a point. But, we still need to bury their heads elsewhere.”

Relief washed over me. “Good. You go bury the heads while I grab more food.” The U-No bars sent my palette into a trance.

My boyfriend gathered up the bagged heads and walked out the Circle-K.

I went around the store filling up my basket, dumping half the U-No Ba display into the basket.

The lighter fluid and lighters sat two displays down. I scurried toward them, grabbing two lighter fluids and a package of three Bic lighters.

Before walking out the store, I popped open one of the lighter fluids and soaked the dead vampires with it’s liquid, throwing the can on top them. On the way out, I drizzled the store floor with the other lighter fluid, leaving a trail behind me. The can emptied halfway to the Hummer.

I walked all the way to the vehicle before setting my goodie basket down. There, I grabbed the package of Bics, ripping a red one from it’s package. In the other hand, I fumbled for an U-No Bar, sticking it between my lips, wrapper and all.

Arthur came from behind and wrapped his arms around my waist. He rested his chin on my shoulder and gave a low growl, nuzzling his nose into my neck.

The candy dropped from my mouth into my hand.“Seriously,” I said, thumbing the lighter with my other hand. A flame burst from the silver part. “We need to set the fire and get out of here.” I freed myself from his arms, walking toward the end of the liquid trail. Crouching beside it, I dropped the flame onto the thin line. It blazed yellow and orange. “We need to get out of here.”

The Hummer purred not long after I spoke the words. I turned around, running toward the vehicle, grabbing my other goodies, I flung the door open, and hopped in.

Arthur spun the vehicle around and sped it forward. Within three minutes an explosion sounded from behind. I looked over my shoulder. A ball of fire poofed against the night sky while I ate my chocolate bar. A great stress reliever.

To be continued….maybe this week….maybe in a couple months when series number one to this Novella is finished.


  1. Yay! You're writing it!!! Love it!

  2. Love love love it. Can't wait to read the full series!

    A xxx

  3. Hi,
    I'm visiting via the A to Z Challenge. Cool story excerpt.


  4. @Beth: It's flowing out of me. And, of course, your encouragement helps. Up for a beta read. Don't worry, I'm not a Wicked Witch. I'll be glad to read any of your WIPs.

    @ Lady A: Thank you. LOve your pic.

    @Lucy: Thanks for stopping by.


  5. Wow, and your picture Shelly makes you seem so sweet and innocent. Does Sweetman know about this side of you? LOL.

  6. @Eve: there isn't anything he doesn't know aout me.

  7. Wonderful writing as always! :) You're so inspiring.

    Reflections on Writing

  8. The opening line killed me (in a good way). I love the casual creepy factor. Very funny!

    I'm a huge fan of movies like Zombieland for that very reason. Good stuff!

    Hope you and yours had a great holiday weekend!


  9. Great once again! I love reading these. A woman after my own heart - food, food, food! I can do anything as long as I know there will be food soon!

  10. Dear Melissa, E.J., Halli, and Ellie:

    Thank you all for stopping by. And, thanks for the kind words. Hope ya'll had a great Easter, too.


  11. Do U-no bars even exist? Because now I'd like one. ;0p

    Interesting snippet. Definitely sounds like the kind of story I like to read.

    Good luck with the remainder of the A to Z Challenge!

  12. Shannon: Thanks for stopping by and for the follow. As for the U-No Bars, I belive you can order them on-line.

  13. When in doubt, burn the bodies.

    Good passage!

  14. That's right. Only when in doubt.


Let me know what you think.